Annapurna – Ever-flowing Nectar

Annapurna – Ever-flowing Nectar

Love and Attachment are those twin sisters who are very difficult, yet much needed, to be separated…

It’s very basic common sense understanding that if you cannot be attached to something/someone you cannot claim to truly love the person, but as Einstein said, Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen. The interdependency statement usually comes from those who have not experimented separating them. Well, those who have, ALWAYS advocate separation in the interest of ‘Flourishing’ Love…

This is it about the perceived controversy that exists, often understood by few… Let’s dive into understanding the distinction. The simplest way this can be put is;

Love = Giving

Attachment = Asking (expecting) or Taking

So, if I’m to rephrase the beginning statement by replacing these words, it looks like this…

Giving and Taking are those twin sisters who are very difficult, yet much needed, to be separated…

The idea of Unconditional Giving sounds very idealistic, and a space good to be in. However, the very fact that term ’idealistic’ is attached to it, means it is ‘beyond’ common man’s reach. Well, is it really so???...

To understand why is it difficult to Give without Asking, let us understand their interconnectedness and vulnerability of human determination.

The distinction begins by expecting the world to be ‘Fair’. The inner desire for equality and justice. It is repeatedly observed in human behaviour, that desire for balance is one of the basic expectations, and not just balance, quick balance. Each person, individually, has various Needs to be taken care of; as Maslow indicates these Needs;

The ‘Method’ of achieving these Needs defines a lot about how you behave, both consciously and subconsciously.

Love with Attachment

We living in a society full of people around, especially with ‘so many’ people and a culture that drives high people inter-dependability, the most known way of achieving Needs is from others. Need for belongliness, need for emotional security, need for defining yourself, need for acceptance, etc. top the chart.

As long as we are deprived of fulfilling any of these basic needs for ourselves, we will keep expecting these Needs to be fulfilled by those around us. We Give all we can, Love each person around us, but usually unknowingly we keep Expecting a lot of things. We Expect attention, respect, care, concern, comfort, surprises (things we like, but unsaid), belongliness, ownership, etc… Well, there’s nothing wrong in expecting in-turn, but at times when you do not get enough in return, subconsciously you ‘Pull Out’. Usually unknowingly, one reduces their Giving. Most of times very subtly like, disrespecting, getting loud, getting sarcastic, showing indirectly how unsatisfied they are, etc… Reiterating, most of this happens unknowingly and subconsciously. Deep with-in, nobody wants to be offensive on purpose, but the inner desire for ‘Justice’ for ‘Fairness’ makes one feel they have Given a lot more than they ‘Got back in-turn’.

Attachment (expectation of Getting something in-turn, subconsciously) REDUCES what we Give, Love….

Love withOUT Attachment

Well, if Attachment is such a Virus, such a poison, makes us feel so ‘Self-Centred’, we should definitely get rid of it… Isn’t it?

Here’s another Human inmate nature at work… Taking care of Self-First… Our cultural upbringing usually makes Self-First philosophy as cruel and Selfish, making us reject the very thought of it. However, it is a basic nature of Human beings. I remember a friend of mine once told me, if I were to get a boil on my body, and a devastating earthquake hit some part of the world, I would be more concerned with the boil than the earthquake! And it did make sense. It sounds very shallow and selfish, but that would most probably be my first reaction… Suppression and avoidance only leads to persistence. Rather than calling this inmate nature ‘Wrong’, I might as well ‘Accept’ it and move ON to better things and ways I can contribute.

Loving without Attachment almost sounds like quitting smoking. We try hard not to Expect and only Give, but we usually end up trying Hard. If it’s so important, shouldn’t it be coming along easily, naturally? Why should such an obvious thing be so much of struggle?

The distinction is we need a REPLACEMENT for Balance… We are Dependent on Attachment for fulfilling our Needs, once we have Self-Sufficient ways of fulfilling our Needs, the Balance can be restored. We can Give without Expecting, because we are satisfied with our Needs, we are no longer Deprived…

Here’s an analogy, it is a very good thing to feed the hungry, share your food with those starving, but you should ONLY share the left-overs. Share ONLY when your stomach is full… Sharing your food without filling your own stomach is not sustainable, and often leads to half-heartedly sharing… It is not about being Selfish, it is about ‘Generosity with Wisdom’ (in Buddhism referred to as Om Mani padme Hum). How much is Too-Much to fill your stomach, is for you to focus your discovery and attention ON…

Explaining a little further, people share whole-heartedly and with best of intent when they have ‘Excessive’… One can focus with priority on finding Methods to fulfil their Needs all by themselves, all Emotional, Physiological, Intellectual, and Spiritual Needs, all by themselves without being dependent on anybody else. This helps them with lot of spare resources of Time, Energy, Money, and Space of Mind. All of these resources can be utilised for Giving to EVERYONE around them. Attachment makes you give only to those you subconsciously Expect something in return, however, when you fulfil almost all your Needs all by yourself, you are ‘Mentally Free’ to Love and Give to EVERYONE around you with same affection and intensity… You Love EVERYONE without Attachment (without Expecting), because your stomach is Full….

As stated above, one important aspect is to determine ‘How much is Too much?’ How much do you Need for each of the Needs. Lesser is the Need, easier it is to Self-Fulfil, and more are ‘spare’ resources to give to the world – Love…

Leaving the topic at this thought here might make you feel short-changed, but here’s when your Self-Reflection begins…

Self-Reflection on:

·         How much is Too much? Understanding YOURSELF and your Needs – Self-Awareness

·         Finding Methods to fulfil your Needs without dependency – Self-Sufficiency

·         Using ‘spare’ resources thoughtfully to help others, ensuring efficient utilisation of resources – Generosity with Wisdom

·         Eventually, continue giving ENDLESSLY to EVERYONE irrespective of getting anything in-turn; Love without Attachment – Annapurna – Ever-flowing Nectar!!!…

Wishing you a Peaceful Life!

Deep Mody

A Change Leader

Helping Humans do what they do the best – Be Human