UNACCEPTABLE Theory of Motivation

UNACCEPTABLE Theory of Motivation


Every Thought (leading to) Emotion (leading to) Action arises ONLY when Reality is UNACCEPTABLE…


That’s it… This single statement sums it all up…

In this article, there is not much new Gyan, new fancy words, new theories, nothing…. It is just this one statement… Everything written ahead is compilation of events similar to what one sees around them in the Real world…

When everything around a person is acceptable, that person is not motivated to do ANYTHING… When there is no desire to Change anything around, there is no desire to do anything, there is NO DESIRE TO REJECT ANYTHING, nothing around is UNACCEPTABLE… THAT IS WHEN WE HAVE BLISS, WE HAVE PEACE OF MIND…


On the other hand;

*      Imagine this, you can see few cups on a table of different heights kept in ascending order of their heights. One of the cup is not in sequence. You would instinctively have some feel of keeping that cup in sequence… It’s natural… The Reality is Human Mind seeks order everywhere, it doesn’t like non-patterns, something which is out of pattern is usually UNACCEPTABLE and since the reality is not accepted, one invests time, energy and space of mind to change things… To change them to what ‘They’ think Reality ‘Should’ be…
*      When you look around and feel that many things in the world are biased and unfair, may be promotion to your colleague and not you or someone getting their work done due to their influence or anything else for that matter where you feel unfairness exists which needs to be eliminated… You feel strong Emotion that ‘so called’ unfairness you see around is UNACCEPTABLE, however the Reality here can be expressed in two ways; The world is an unfair place, whoever told you to expect the world to be completely fair wasn’t accurate… ;-)… Secondly, maybe world is actually fair and balanced, you may not be able to comprehend all involved parameters like informal authority, influence, politics, etc… These parameters make real impact in real world, but your expectation of world being fair without these parameters is inaccurate… You constantly feel motivated to ‘Fix’ things making the world fair with-in only those parameters you think are acceptable… May be what needs to be ‘Fixed’ is not the world, it is your definition of what is acceptable… :-)
*      When someone makes a mistake, we try to either fix it or teach the person how to do it well… We invest our resources (time, energy and space of mind) because it is not acceptable that people can make mistakes repeatedly… It is our desire to see a world without mistakes, atleast without repeated mistakes… The Reality is a world full of repeated mistakes, it is our perception that makes feel the Reality is wrong and keeps us motivated trying to change it…

Our Emotions are our perception of the world, the world is what it is…

*      The state of body when there hasn’t been much food going in your stomach since some time, leading to some (so called) uneasiness is when you feel what you feel and you are motivated to invest your time, energy and space of mind to get your body some food… The reality here is body can stay without food for few days, few chemicals in stomach are a part of natural process which comes and goes as body settles itself with no food… The grave discomfort is because those feels are UNACCEPTABLE to you, that reality is not accepted making you want to change things… We don’t eat purely based on when body needs food, we are emotional eaters, we eat for mind most of the times not for body…
*      We have often observed that physical pain is a relative phenomenon… Walking in hot sun is unbearable for few whereas walking on glass is OK for few others. Body reacts and responds to external environment almost the same for all, but the motivation to get your body away from the external environment depends on whether you find it acceptable state or not…
*      Let us take an example of things that we do to ‘feel’ the freedom we want… What is defined as doing enough for it? How much is too much? Slaves at Pyramid construction had a different definition of freedom and employees working in 9 to 5 job have a completely different definition of freedom… One would try to change their state only when their current state is UNACCEPTABLE… Any thought of doing something more in life arises when social learning starts defining cubicle job as waste of life making it UNACCEPTABLE to be in that state…

Everything has a Meaning, but every Meaning is Meaningless…

We are taught to draw meanings out of everything and define our goals based on those meanings and philosophies… ‘Patience pays (Sabr ka phal meetha hota hai)’ and ‘Greed is the root of all evil (Lalach buri bala hai)’… So, should one wait or not? There are tons of such contradicting philosophies and interpretations, which ones are Reality? We can associate any meaning and philosophy to decide our act, but then, are we making decisions on ‘Free Will’ or they are meaning, philosophy and social norms driven???...


*      When we speak of security of any kind, let’s say financial security… People have different understanding of how they would ensure financial security… Few save a lot for possible gloomy days, so, in a situation when they encounter an unplanned loss leading to bank balance depleting, their efforts are all concentrated in filling it back… Whereas, there are people who believe in making themselves capable of constantly earning, recurring income. So they aren’t really bothered much with huge amount in bank, rather get concerned when they lose their market worth of making more than what they did earlier… So, if someone from the second category is working in a regular job earning a regular income, would still be restless and motivated to get out of only because that state is UNACCEPTABLE to them…
*      Who defined what is definition of beauty and nice looking man/woman? Is it the fashion magazine cover photos? People strive hard to look slim, immense motivation to lose weight, but who defined what body type is UNACCEPTABLE???...
*      People tend to prove themselves close to an ‘ideal’ person described in society’s understanding. Many characteristics of ‘ideal’ person are defined (said & unsaid) and anything done away from that list is criticised… Remember those times when you saw someone making a mistake and bluntly denying it, no matter how obviously it was related to them… The motivation to invest their energy in screaming their lungs out denying it comes from the fact that in that person’s perception it is absolutely UNACCEPTABLE to be a person who commits mistake… Reality is Human beings make mistake all the time, but when that Reality becomes UNACCEPTABLE, people run behind proving the Reality wrong attempting to conceal it in what they believe to be acceptable…
*      Multi-tasking is supposed to be good to keep one busy, but often multi-tasking leads to missing out details… When you do something, how you do it is defined by your perception to what is UNACCEPTABLE… Missing quality or Missing deadline… People fiercely drive to make things happen with-in the perceived acceptable mode, strongly trying to push away the UNACCEPTABLE… Does it really help all the time?
*      Our Pride, Ego, Self-Respect are all defined by social learning and social norms… What is given importance and what not is defined by what goes around… When you attend a traditional Indian wedding, it is assumed that walking in wearing your boxers will be UNACCEPTABLE, hence, the motivation to get dressed, infact the very motivation to attend the wedding comes by the fact that it is UNNACCEPTABLE to not attend it… On the other hand, think of a wedding at a beach party… You’ll see a completely different definition of what’s acceptable… These social norms define who would be respected and who won’t, thus creating a carrot & stick mechanism to drive few philosophies as ultimate ones… But are they really?
*      When someone insults us, our entire self is dedicated to figure out a way of insulting back, giving it back, tit for tat… All this because it is absolutely UNACCEPTABLE to not respond. That is the best way of saving your respect, proving you care for your own worth…. Is it really so important to respond???... We want to achieve big things in life, make our one life very large because it is UNACCEPTABLE to ‘so called’ waste our life… By not running for money, fame and other things that define life as big, are we really wasting our life? Who defined all these rules? Why is it so much UNACCEPTABLE to not do these things in life? Once again asking, who defined all this?
*      I know of few cultures where it is UNACCEPTABLE to get married without owning a house or UNACCEPTABLE to have a baby / move-in together without getting married… Even a culture where it is UNACCEPTABLE to mourn on death in family, they have Celebration of Death! No matter what the Reality is, the situation is outright rejected as WRONG as it doesn’t fit with perceived Reality… Hence, ‘people do everything they can to contain the Reality with-in their Perceived Reality’.


We need to understand something very important…

Gyan is everywhere… It is printed on matchstick box, behind a truck and even in lectures at Harvard… What matters is, which of this Gyan defines our perceived Reality, defines what is acceptable and what to expect… Be Pragmatic…




Wishing you a Peaceful Life!

Deep Mody
A Change Leader
Helping Humans do what they do the best – Be Human


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